Texts from Last Night

[fairbrook]

You know the drill:
*Pick something from here, make up your own, or post a blank comment
*Others respond
*Hilarity, tragedy, sexy, whatever happens
*????
*PROFIT!

Comments

[fairbrook]

1) I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."

2) You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

2

[magicsprice]

I wish I had been there. That sounds rather entertaining.

[magicsprice]

So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?

[gallifreytotrenzalore]

It's the best one! Restrictions are rubbish.

[notgonnastay]

So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?

[gallifreytotrenzalore]

After I left the room. I swear.

[asapphireheart]

they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you

[gallifreytotrenzalore]

It was River who cuffed me ... tell me it was River.

... also, uh, thanks. I ... I love you, too. As friends.

[starbitsinhereyes]

And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?

[alittlebitfiery]

Be right there I have to get my cape

[gordianknots]

Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me.

[magicsprice]

I can help you to remedy that if you wish to fix that little problem.

[thepuppetmaster]

I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and Netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.

[crowsicle]

oh
sorry
that mightve been me

[pocketmobster]

Is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?

[missleadingquestions]

that actually happened to me once too, I guess the guy on duty was just having a good day

[goddamnmoron]

Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight

[halfclock]

I'm not a doctor, but my professional recommendation as a cop is not to do that.

[crowsicle]

why do you have season one of reba in your underwear drawer

[gordianknots]

I hope this was meant to go to someone else...

Ymir | Attack on Titan

[thedancingtitan]

I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."

Oerba Yun Fang | Final Fantasy XIII Trilogy

[raindownthesky]

i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

[aworthyrival]

is this hangover typing or brain injury typing, what the hell

Charley Pollard | Doctor Who

[edwardian_adventuress]

sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.

[gallifreytotrenzalore]

Charley!

That was so not directed at me, I hope!

[tardisdiary]

1. So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelprofessor

2. I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a Timelord.

[gallifreytotrenzalore]

You did not. I remember a gun and Hitler and you shooting my TARDIS.

[velvetassistant]

The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s

[zastyvshiy]

1. I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn.

2. I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."

1

[captain_asthmatic]

How many inches?

[waywardbird]

1. So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?

2. Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.

[gordianknots]

After the Grail War "don't die" seems like a GOOD CRITERIA.

[captain_asthmatic]

1. September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

2. He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.

3. Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.

3

[zastyvshiy]

you found your doppelganger, congratulations

[linefacingforever]

1.) Some guy is in my phone as Cap McAwesome.

2.) Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.

3.) So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?

3

[belated_first_class]

Pretty much. Did you know there's 101 different uses for a broom? I suggest reading the book Life Hacks. It's good for just about anything, if you're creative enough.

[singinghuntress]

1.It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.

2.Just had my first American. He tasted like freedom.

2

[captain_asthmatic]

I am going to kill you for that.

[strikeoflightning]

1) I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours".

2) be right there i have to get my cape

2

[raindownthesky]

It never ceases to amaze how you've managed to have one in every form of outfit I've seen you in.

[the_silver_queen]

1) I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me.

2) I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me.

1

[thedancingtitan]

pretty sure this is the wrong number. also pretty sure I have no clue what that is.

[calmbefore]

In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.

[edwardian_adventuress]

[Doctor, you are so lucky she loves you.]

What exactly was that supposed to accomplish, Doctor?

[justabitunlikely]

1) So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?

2) It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.

3) I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.

3) There is no other way but down here xD

[gallifreytotrenzalore]

... YOU DID WHAT?

I think we need to have the talk, young lady!

.... Who was he?

- Dad 8D: