think we kissed but i forgot

[hypercompetent]

THE TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT MEME

one ➝ post your character's name in the subject line of your comment
two ➝ post with a tfln 
three ➝ respond to people's texts!
four ➝ fun time for all!

Comments

[seeyousuffer]

1. He kept staring at my ass and repeating "it's just a beautiful piece of artwork."

OR:

2. I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.

2

[untilavalon]

There is honestly no force of law by which I ever should have been required to know this information.

[seeyousuffer]

No one knows how hard it is to be tall. Except other tall people. I know you can't understand.

[Yes, he's still drunk.]

[untilavalon]

...My height is not relevant. Aren't you a priest?

[seeyousuffer]

You're short.

I am a priest.

[untilavalon]

Brilliant, you are. Do you even know who you're texting?

2

[fairbrook]

I fail to understand why you wish to consult me on your sex life.

[seeyousuffer]

You're Claudia's friend. Don't you want to help her.

[fairbrook]

If by "help" you mean to take advice from a celibate woman.

[Kirei's drunkenness won't make her any less of a virgin, bro. Literally, she finds a stack of paperwork more appealing.]

[seeyousuffer]

You're tall. You're a woman. You must know something.

Why are you celibate?

[fairbrook]

[Living with Alucard would make anyone celibate.]

I fail to see how this is any of your business.

[Weren't you the one who brought this up, Sir Hellsing?]

Aren't you supposed to be the priest?

[Allegedly.]

[seeyousuffer]

You did mention it. Priests are not celibate.

God wants us to be fruitful and multiply.

[fairbrook]

I am an unmarried woman, Father, and frankly, it suits me.

[Last woman anyone wants dying childless, and for good reason.Perhaps, except for Kirei.]

So long as you're not papist.

[In...teg...ra. Clearly he has much to learn about Anglicanism, though.]

1

[trashkind]

I don't think I want to know who or why.

[seeyousuffer]

I don't know why, but it was Archer. Why do you think he'd do that?

[Who else?]

[trashkind]

... at a guess? He's either trying to annoy you or he likes you. I don't know, I don't really want to try and understand his thought processes

[seeyousuffer]

I do not think he likes me, but he may be trying to annoy me.

I am obligated to follow his orders.

[puppy_lancer]

your right claudia is really short

[seeyousuffer]

She is. I'm glad someone understands, I don't know what to do

[puppy_lancer]

let's see
i don't think you curling up while doing it is an option
maybe if you stood
and held Claudia by her ankles
something like that

[seeyousuffer]

That would be too hard on her, she's weak, and she still won't reach. I have to be careful when we have sex, or she'll be injured, I'm very large.

[puppy_lancer]

oh
then what if you involved a third person
then it can be like a triangle
so neither of you need to reach to feel good on both ends

[seeyousuffer]

Sexual intercourse should be between man and wife, to involve a third person would be sinful and hedonistic.

[His father warned him about hedonists!]

[puppy_lancer]

hey you're asking about 69s
though you wanted to try something kinky
wait I got it
what about one of you holding some sort of really big straw in your mouth
then you can reach with the straw

[seeyousuffer]

I wanted to try it with my wife.

That doesn't make any sense. A straw wouldn't work. It's not the same.

[Seriously, he's wondering why he bothered asking you now, though you do have a lot of experience, supposedly. But... straws?]